Hello 2006!

"The coffee is just water dressed in brown
beautiful but boring."
--Ani DiFranco, Out of Habit

EDIT- If you are an Army wife on my friends list please know I am NOT talking about YOU. :)

It has not been a very happy New Year for Ms. Jenna. Oh no. I was trying (maybe not with the effort required) to be optimistic but the truth is murky. That being I'm feeling so old and useless here in Alaska. January marks one year in the far North and I am still very much an outsider here. Maybe to Fairbanks in general but honestly I think it's the military spouse network that I find myself most at odds with. I cannot find people to relate to- not even people to learn from (healthy learning I mean - I have learned "what not to do" from many a military family on my journeys).

A couple months ago I felt so excluded not being a part of family support groups. Last month I started getting involved and it's just taken away any hope for meeting creative, passionate, and good hearted people. There seem to be few artist in the Army community. It's also hard to make nice when I am very against what the military has been up too. The majority of people at Ft.WW are infantry. Now, I'm going to venture to say that it takes a "special" type of person to be an infantryman. I hate to stereo-type but I'm guessing (and with some experience) that it is not likely I (a non-drinker, "artistic", vegetarian, organic product buying, small business supporting, recovering indie kid) will find much to socialize about with these families. I hate to sound like a snob but that's exactly what the wives I encounter see me as! They shop at Safeway to use WIC coupons, I shop at Fred Meyer to buy organic milk. Let me stop right there for a minute. At organic milk. Organic milk has been the breaking point for several potential friends up here. No one can fathom spending $4.00 per half gallon for this milk (with it's invisible value) when I can get Geoffrey "free" milk through WIC. Now, of course, milk is not the only product I go out of my way to purchase organic but it seems to be the one that makes me an "elitist" amongst my peers. I have been in the home of a woman whose husband came in during a "playdate". She says "This is Jenna, her husband is Public Affairs, she doesn't use WIC she buys OR-GAN-ICK". In case you don't know, not spilling out your entire life (including choice in diary goods) to your fellow military spouses is frowned upon and will also result in shunning.

I've gotten away from myself. It's totally not just a "shopping" issue. I do not hunt, watch sports (or any television), or go to the gym, bar, or club. A fun outing to me is a trip to Starbucks, browsing the local thrift store, and maybe a stop at the book store if I have spare time or cash. When not out I am tending house, Geoff, my pets, something for Vinny, or trying to find a creative outlet. I am most definitely not going to leave my child with a "friend of a friend" (which is REALLY common here) so I can go to a movie, drinking, or otherwise trashing my "good" name. Okay, that was a funny one. My name is anything but good. In Florida. Here I have/had a clean slate which I intend to use.

The main downer here is lack of support. The next being lack of muse. It's no wonder I haven't produced anything worthwhile this year- what have I done? What have I seen? What lives have I changed? Yes, I have moved from my small town in Florida to ALASKA. How exciting! However, I am so far North in Alaska that there is *really* nothing of interest to me here. I cannot do most of the area's activities (hiking ) with Geoffrey and so we s.i.t.a.t.h.o.m.e. How dreadful a life! Where is my passion? Why am I here? I pray to God to reveal my path but I feel so disassociated. I can't even find a good church.

I'm praying 2006 will be a year that I can get back to the basics of Jenna. 2002 was a hard one. I lost the former love of my life and had a child alone. 2003 was about Geoffrey- he was very sick and all my energy went to making him well. 2004 was Vinny's year- I was no longer working and he was off with the Army. 2005 was also Vinny's year as he relocated us here and is getting much career experience in Afghanistan.

2006- I CLAIM YOU! It's time for me to have a year. I want to go back to school. I want to write. I want to focus on my passions and needs. I want to feel free. I want to travel (this town is an ISLAND look at a map, you may agree).

I need to go to bed now. Leika is calling..."arrooorooorooooooh". I love my sled doggie woggie!

Oh, and the *best* part about Alaska in the winter time is that when I go to bed at an ungodly hour I can sleep into the double digits and not have to worry about the sunshine waking me. :P

<3,
Jenna